Eight Ways to Struggle for Growth

Recently, my wife called me out on something – about not trying hard enough, not pushing myself…

You see, I’ve been more consistent at the gym lately. Trying to be intentional and track the exercise, the weights, the sets, the reps – all of it. Trying to find my baseline.

But talking about my workouts with my wife was convicting. I wasn’t pushing myself enough and she called me out on it.

As she should.

So now, I’m trying to be more aware about that very thing. It shouldn’t be easy, I should be struggling, pushing myself, getting uncomfortable.

For the gains, yes, but also the growth mindset.

“If there is no struggle, there is no progress.” – Frederick Douglass

The gym analogy is easy. But how can we struggle as dads in order to achieve growth?

Here are eight “easy” ways for us dads to struggle for growth: 

1. Wake Up Early

Struggle:

• Getting up before the rest of the house, even when you’re tired. Even when your bed feels way better than an early morning alarm.

Growth:

• More time for yourself—whether that’s exercise, prayer, journaling, or just starting the morning in peace and quiet. 
• Starting the day with purpose and intention gives you clarity, energy, and momentum to lead your family well.

No one sees it.

No one’s clapping for it.

Your kids probably don’t even care—as long as you fix them breakfast when they wake. 

But it shapes you—and it sets the tone for your whole house.

2. Have Hard Conversations

Struggle:

• Apologizing to your kids when you mess up.
• Owning your tone.
• Bringing up that thing with your spouse that’s easier to ignore.
• Admitting you don’t have it all figured out.

Growth:

• Hard conversations build emotional safety and trust—the kind your family can feel.

It shows your kids that strength isn’t silence, it’s opening up with honesty.

It shows your spouse you’re not afraid to go first and are willing to get vulnerable. 

It shows you that leadership starts with humility.

Not fun.

Not easy.

But necessary.

Plus it makes your home a safer place to be real. For everyone. 

3. Leave Work at Work

Struggle:

• Closing the laptop.
• Not checking emails after hours.
• Letting the text sit until tomorrow.

Especially when it feels like everything is urgent.

Growth:

• Your family doesn’t need the distracted version of you.
• They need your eyes. Your ears. Your presence.

Dinner.

Bedtime stories.

Wrestling on the floor.

Board games around the table.

That stuff doesn’t show up on a spreadsheet—but it’s what your family will remember.

Work will always ask for more.

Be the one who knows when enough is enough.

Remember, to a W-2, you’re always replaceable, but to your family, you’re not. 

4. Get on Their Level

Struggle:

• Stopping what feels “more important” to help your kid find the thing you already told them to put away—so they’d know where it is.
• Dropping to the floor to play in a make-believe world.
• Finding that one missing Lego piece in the Lego bin. 
• Coaching their team after a long day when your brain feels fried and you’d rather do absolutely nothing.

It’s not always convenient. And it’s rarely “productive” in the way work is.

Growth:

• You’re entering their world.
• You’re showing them they matter more than anything else when you give them your undivided attention.

It’s in those silly voices, backyard games, and sideline moments that trust is built.

And those memories?

That’s what sticks—a dad who showed up at every age.

5. Do Inner Work

Struggle:

• Looking in the mirror and admitting the stuff you don’t like about yourself.
• Owning the ways you’ve messed up.
• Facing insecurities, bad habits, and the parts of your story you’d rather ignore.

It’s uncomfortable—and it’s way easier to just stay avoid it all and busy.

Growth:

• When you slow down, reflect, and invite other like-minded dads to help hold each other accountable, you start to heal.
• Iron sharpens iron. Proverbs 27:17. 
• You become stronger on the inside.
• More grounded. More patient. More present.

The inner work is tough but it helps you become the best version of you. In opinion, getting outside alone with nature on a hike or a run is one of the best ways to clear your head of all the business and focus on the inner deep you. 

6. Say No to Good Things

Struggle:

• Turning down the round of golf. 
• Skipping the happy hour with work colleagues. 
• Passing on the weekend hunting trip with the boys.

Not because they’re bad—but because every “yes” to something out there is a “no” to something in here.

Growth:

• When you protect your family time, you send a clear message: this is where the best version of me goes.
• You start living with intention instead of impulse.
• You create margin for the moments that matter most.

You have to confidently know what your “yes” is, so you can say “no” or “not right now” to the rest. 

Some of those “good things” will have their turn again—but right now, your biggest “yes” lives at home. 

7. Push Yourself Physically

Struggle:

• Choosing the workout instead of the couch.
• Adding weight to the bar when you’d rather keep it easy.
• Running the extra mile even when your legs feel dead.

It’s not just about looking fit—it’s about getting stronger and proving to yourself that you can do hard things on purpose.

Growth:

• You build mental and physical toughness that spills over into every other part of life.
• You lead by example, showing your kids what discipline looks like.
• And finally, you keep yourself strong and healthy enough to enjoy all the stages of life. 

Be “built to move” now—so you can keep moving with them (and the grandkids) later.

8. Do What You Don’t Want to Do

Struggle:

• Tackling the dishes when you’d rather watch the game.
• Doing the grocery run after a long day.
• Choosing patience when frustration comes easier.

These moments rarely feel heroic—but they’re where humility is forged.

Growth:

• You show your family that leadership isn’t just making the big calls—it’s serving in the small, unseen ways that are normally thankless. 
• You model what it means to put others first.
• And you quietly build a home where love is proven through humble action, not just words.

Struggle isn’t just a personal growth tool—it’s a family growth tool.
When you choose the hard road on purpose—waking up early, having tough conversations, saying no to distractions, pushing yourself physically—you’re not just building your own character. You’re modeling resilience, discipline, and humility for the people who matter most.

Your kids learn that growth often hides behind discomfort.
Your spouse sees that you’ll show up, even when it’s inconvenient.
Your home becomes a place where challenges aren’t avoided—they’re embraced.

When you lean into struggle for your own growth, you give your family something better than comfort: you give them an example worth following.